F#*$ING LOBSTAH: AN OPEN LETTER TO MAINE

How do we go back to our bland, miserable lives deprived of fresh, Maine lobster twice a day…every day? Lobster eaten in a setting that a fairy tale depiction couldn’t do justice. Maine is Mother Nature at her finest in landscape and human evolution. We came. We saw. We left (shockingly 5 lbs heavier). Now, our future looks bleak. Our hearts our broken. So I penned an open letter to express our feelings.

Dear Maine,

You are an asshole.

How dare you welcome us with beautifully toned arms? Embracing us in the warmth of your kind people and luring us further into your trap with unassuming landscapes that linger in your mind and captivate your soul. Before we can wake from your trance, the sweet aroma of mouthwatering, succulent lobster freshly caught off your coast has us drifting off again.

You are immaculate. You are unpretentious. You are what is right with this world.

Now we must leave with a newly formed black hole in our hearts, and we blame you. You and your f#*$ing lobster.

Until we meet again,

Brittany and Mac

P.S.

I hate your stinkin’ guts.

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